Alekx's Self-Digestion

Hi Alekx, welcome.
What are you looking for?
Do you exist?


I think I'm very contaminated with 'others' beliefs and opinions, so I can retain in my memory from read other posts and replys, I have read this is not true somewhere else, so I don't know if I have my direct experience (hence opinion), so I will tell you, to be really honest... don't know.


I don't know why today a BIG BEETLE land into my house, i'm not so much of a supersitious guy but I actually experienced so much of a sinchronicity after reading Conversations with god Book#1... I think it's a message but I don't know what this s**t means.

When I was doing my boxing work training I felt so fu***ng lonley but just dured one second... then a BIG space within me arised and I felt fear, and then I let go, and I wanted to cry but I didn't do anything.

Of the question, Do I exist?... Well, when I felt that voracious void in that moment it really doesn't matter if I existed or not... not because I felt like a lonley victim but because I felt a big sense of peace after that. Don't know what it is, or if it has any correlation whatsoever.

I'm sick of detours, I will experience truth.




It's actually impossible to experience anything but truth.
If something wasn't actually real, how would we experience it?
The illusion part is in the misidentification or misinterpretation of truth.

"I think I'm very contaminated with 'others' beliefs and opinions"

Yeah, that is something that happens. And it's okay too, as long as you are aware of it, which you seem to be.
It's not necessary to try and delete all that stuff if it's seen for what it is. 

Your direct experience contains other people's beliefs and opinions, not the other way around.

So, you have all this second-hand information in your mind. There's no reason this should get in the way of looking at what is really happening in this moment. Just keep your inquiry honest. "Is this something I have only read, or have I actually seen it?" Keep it really simple, look at what is going on around you, and not just at what is going on in the mind. There really is no line between internal and external.

Right now, Alekx, when you use the words "me" or "I", what is being referring to?





Thanks for the reply Nemo.

Mostly Feelings , sometimes ideas tha I get when ask for questions, like today... I felt a tingly spark in my back when I honestly looked around and ask, WHAT IS THIS? the time seemed to pass so FAST while experiencing external world, and then proceed to take a view with fresh eyes (not that I was aware off) but only lasted like 2 or 3 seconds, then the autopilot viewer and mental rant, continued again.

Yesterday, I avoided people, and the more I avoid them the more they manifest in some strange ways, like the ladies. I think I have a pent up anger towards them I don't know why... In some part I love them but at the same time I hate them... this is something that was in my mind today ruminating, I think this thing have years running in the back of the mind, like seeking aprobation, trying to get their attention, sending them mean looks, completley ingnoring them... and as you said in the reallity there is no difference in external and internal, but if I have conflicting sensations and thoughts about it in my body about the woman, why they keep manifesting. Maybe it's fear of rejection, maybe is crap.

Now, I think this is a small but annoying obstacle that must be shredded to pieces, I am neutral about it, the expenditure of energy in this thing, it's crazy, It would be better spent using auto digesting myself. :D




Hey there Alekx.
I'm really sorry about the delay in my reply, I've been a little busy.


This stuff about emotional reactions regarding women is a good place to investigate identification.
These sorts of things are patterns that are built up over time, through environmental and circumstantial factors, would you agree? And at this point it doesn't really matter too much about painstakingly dissecting a lot of these factors or causes, they are just a story about "life" that became a story about Alekx, and they can be easily indulged more than they need to be. And it all happened somewhere in the past. A story about the past exists only as thoughts in the now. Can you call that story you? Of course there is no need to discount the past completely, a lot of it is necessary context that this present moment is related to - it's only the identification and attachment with past and patterns that needs to be looked at. 

When I look at the story of my past, it is a very wild, crazy, dramatic roller-coaster of an adventure. But these days when I think about it, it is not too much different from thinking about a movie I might have watched a week ago. It still even has the potential to conjure emotions or empathy for the characters sometimes, as any good movie does. But it is only seen as just a story, it does not feel like "me" at all any more.

When we have spoken you have mentioned to me your interests in autolysis and "self-digestion". This is what I hope I can be helpful in guiding you with here. As I said, I worked on autolysis myself. I see this as interactive autolysis. 

So, autolysis is a process of finding out what's true, by throwing bits of your self into the fire, one by one. Yeah? Now, there is no right or wrong way to go about this liberation stuff. If you're sincere, honest, dedicated and focused, you can do it. It will get done. This emotional "pattern" you have regarding women is like one of the many pieces of your self that need to be examined to be thrown in the fire or digested, yes? 

Now, check this out. There are many many "pieces" and aspects and beliefs and patterns, etc, that are attached to, identified with and make up, Alekx, and this illusory self. So you want to rip them off one by one. But! 

What if you could turn this whole process on it's head, and instead of painfully pulling the thorns out of the toe one by one, you could just remove the toe? 

Now, I'm not suggesting that the thorns - the pieces attributed to being "Alekx" and all the associated problems - are just going to instantly disappear by doing this. But, it is quite important to enter into this process with this one very large and very crucial step - the foundation on which liberation or enlightenment is based. Illusion of self is that from which all other illusions/delusions operate from and are spawned by. It is the root cause of suffering. In seeing through it, the digesting of old patterns and beliefs can be done from the most honest and authentic perspective available. Think about it, how honest and effective is a delusion - self - going to be about observing itself and reality? Take that away and truth, life, honesty are running this investigation.

So, let's do this.
I asked "when you use the words "me" or "I", what is being referring to?" and you replied "mostly feelings". Can you examine this a little more and elaborate? Look at these feelings. Where do they originate? Who feels them? Who or what makes them happen?




YQ; Where do they originate?
MA: Yeah, I looked to the feelings, or more so felt the feeling... They got originated by a tought, what tought? of whom? I really don't know, it's a little hard to grasp for me... maybe it's a reaction of the succint event that was developing, and then it went through the filter of an imperfect tought, about other tought, and about other tought, that is not me. (Altought here honestly, I sense that I am pointing to what I should be experiencing, rather than the real experience of this... I think I triying to convince myself, and then I got confused)

When I start to ponder in this answers I feel myself trying to convince myself of something I am not experiencing directly...It's like when you enter in a calculator 2 + 2, and you know the answer it's 4, but... surprisingly the calculator did't display the answer, after you pressed Intro or =, you just know it has to be 4 but you don't see.

So I don't know what's happening here. (I hope I explained well, too)

YQ: Who feels them?... 
MA: At first glance it seems that the observer that I only know as 'like (me)' is experimenting those feelings. But as always, I am ahead of myself, maybe for detriment. You told me (and I read that form McKenna too) that the 'I' I tihnk of me is not me... so WHO's feeling the feelings?... This is honestly, beyond my comprehension right now, I think I'm regurgitating 2nd hand experiences & juggling with semantics here, confused... Please be ruthless.

YQ: Who or what makes them happen? (feelings)
MA: Who?... well the thing that pop into my mind it's, events and interpretations (toughts, beliefs) about the events.

Again, thanks for your response Nemo, and please, do not feel sorry for that delay.




You're starting to look, and investigate, and that's great. But you are getting caught up in thoughts, and thinking thoughts about thoughts. When this happens just try to pull back into the simplicity of looking at what's right in front of you. Thoughts can and will continue on in the background but you can waste a lot of time following them on wild goose chases. Reality isn't complicated, it's the simplest thing there is. It's true nature, and it's what is happening everywhere all the time.

Let's look at those questions again. Where do feelings originate? If you can examine a real life example, of a feeling happening right now, even better. Was this feeling manifested by an internal being or source, a "you"? Did it originate inside "you", or was it external influences? Do you own this feeling? Does it need you to cause it and/or feel it to exist? Is it possible that experience can exist without an experiencer?

When entering 2+2 into the calculator, forget that you already know the answer is 4. The answer could be anything, and you will never find out what the truth is unless you can do the math yourself, and be honest about whatever answers you come up with. Don't guess, and don't just take anyone else's word for it. Or there will always be potential for doubt.

If you look at direct experience, right now, what can the senses verify as being real? Furniture, walls, floor, objects? The body? Sounds, textures, colours? Emotions? And thoughts too, right? So thoughts themselves are real phenomena. It's what's in a thought that might not be real - that is, not verifiable when compared to reality. How about self, are there thoughts about a self? Can you actually find a self anywhere in reality though? Take a good hard look. Don't worry about semantics, don't worry about secondhand experiences, it's all just more thought. Let it go. Actually LOOK at what is real, right now. 

So often we have all these beliefs that we never even stop to think about or call in to question. And often this can be because we are not even aware that these are our beliefs. They are so deeply rooted that we simply take them for granted. Self is like the Grand Poobah of these beliefs. The one that reigns over all others. But no more, we are going to hold it up in the light and see it for what it really is.

This is what you need to do. Find it, and expose it. Systematically go through each place, concept, or belief in which self might potentially be dwelling, and see if it's there. Shine the light of truth in every dark corner. Leave no place left for it to hide, no rock unturned. It's the only way you can be sure. This does not need to be a particularly long and painstaking process, but it does require courage, focus, and honesty. Once you see it, though, it can never be unseen. So look at direct experience. Look for a self. Tell me what you find.




Q: Where do feelings originate? If you can examine a real life example, of a feeling happening right now, even better. Was this feeling manifested by an internal being or source, a "you"? Did it originate inside "you", or was it external influences? 
A: Oh no I don't indentify with the feeling, It just feels right in the gut.
It's hard for me to track down the origin of the feeling, the only thing Is that I just got alert or more so 'aware' of that, when I feel the void in the gut, or the wrenching in the throat, but then it passes. 

Q: Do you own this feeling?
A: Not really I have been practicing the leting go the sedona method teaches and it has worked just fine of letting go issue, altough the images of seeking aprobation, or trying to impress 'others' the 'triggers' still dance in the mind, but without emotional reaction, sometimes. I think I need to work some more with this.

Q: Does it need you to cause it and/or feel it to exist? Is it possible that experience can exist without an experiencer?
A: I think it need a 'me' to cause it when the images in the brain/mind; happens, so the feeling is triggered sometimes with this images, or movies.

Q: Is it possible that experience can exist without an experiencer?
A: I think yes, but It needs a reference point... to exist.

"If you look at direct experience, right now, what can the senses verify as being real? Furniture, walls, floor, objects? The body? Sounds, textures, colours? Emotions? And thoughts too, right? So thoughts themselves are real phenomena. It's what's in a thought that might not be real - that is, not verifiable when compared to reality." 

Yeah sense of sight... all common sensorial perception the human has, and the subjective internal experience of the 'thoughts'...
Wow... So, the content of the thought it's just an illusion... but...
Is created by whom? What If I can imagine a tree in the mind... so who's doing the tree? I know this is not 
reality but more like a internal representation of a tree, not a 'real tree', Is this important?


Q: How about self, are there thoughts about a self? Can you actually find a self anywhere in reality though? Take a good hard look. Don't worry about semantics, don't worry about secondhand experiences, it's all just more thought. Let it go. Actually LOOK at what is real, right now. 
A: You mean self, like a person or an entity? no... there's nothing... 

"This does not need to be a particularly long and painstaking process, but it does require courage, focus, and honesty."

This!... I think I'm getting a little caught up in the melodramatic portrait of enlightenment McKenna does of the 'waking up'.
and This! Courage, Focus, honesty-

I'm not sure if some parts totally click in me.

I will reread this one, with more (Courage, Focus, honesty-)




Hey Alekx.

"Q: Do you own this feeling?

A: Not really I have been practicing the leting go the sedona method teaches and it has worked just fine of letting go issue, altough the images of seeking aprobation, or trying to impress 'others' the 'triggers' still dance in the mind, but without emotional reaction, sometimes. I think I need to work some more with this."

Cool. I'm not familiar with the sedona method. If it works, keep going. Also, "letting go" becomes far easier once self illusion dissolves, and it's realised that any holding on is an illusion too, as there isn't really anyone there to hold on. The urge to try and impress others can still come up, but that's all it is, an urge. Not your urge, no you trying to impress others, just an urge standing all on it's own. Just a thought. And, as you said, "the content of the thought it's just an illusion."

"Q: Does it need you to cause it and/or feel it to exist? Is it possible that experience can exist without an experiencer? 

A: I think it need a 'me' to cause it when the images in the brain/mind; happens, so the feeling is triggered sometimes with this images, or movies."

Look at this a bit more closely. Images in the brain/mind happen. Is there a you behind them, do you consciously decide to will the images into existence, or do the images just appear on their own? So why is there this illusion of a 'me' causing things...? See if this is true: Does the "I" thought come in after the images appear and try to take credit, try to make sense of things by attaching ownership and identification with the images? Take a look, find out what is happening for sure.

"Q: Is it possible that experience can exist without an experiencer? 

A: I think yes, but It needs a reference point... to exist."

 Sure, there appears to be a reference point. But is the reference point any more a self than the body?

"If you look at direct experience, right now, what can the senses verify as being real? Furniture, walls, floor, objects? The body? Sounds, textures, colours? Emotions? And thoughts too, right? So thoughts themselves are real phenomena. It's what's in a thought that might not be real - that is, not verifiable when compared to reality.  

Yeah sense of sight... all common sensorial perception the human has, and the subjective internal experience of the 'thoughts'...Wow... So, the content of the tought it's just an illusion... but...Is created by whom? What If I can imagine a tree in the mind... so who's doing the tree? I know this is not reallity but more like a internal representation of a tree, not a 'real tree', Is this important?"

Who IS doing the tree? Is internal really separate from external? If eyes had never seen a tree externally would mind be able to create the image of a tree internally? If there is a separate entity inside who can decide to imagine things, can you ask him to imagine something made up entirely of components he's never seen before? Can he think of a colour that doesn't already exist? Are you doing the tree, or is everything but you - life, environment, circumstance - doing the tree?

"Q: How about self, are there thoughts about a self? Can you actually find a self anywhere in reality though? Take a good hard look. Don't worry about semantics, don't worry about secondhand experiences, it's all just more thought. Let it go. Actually LOOK at what is real, right now.  

A: You mean self, like a person or an entity? no... there's nothing..." 

Beautiful, Alekx. Music to my ears. Take these three weapons and sharpen them, they will make quick work of destroying belief in self.Is there a you? 

"Look at this a bit more closely. Images in the brain/mind happen. Is there a you behind them, do you consciously decide to will the images into existence, or do the images just appear on their own? So why is there this illusion of a 'me' causing things...?See if this is true: Does the "I" thought come in after the images appear and try to take credit, try to make sense of things by attaching ownership and identification with the images? Take a look, find out what is happening for sure."

Yes it happens automatically, as allways when I turn my internal focus or conscience on the brain: it's chattering seeing images, BY IT'S OWN. Haha how fool of me thinking that I 'create' images at will. And when I'm not operating this shit keeps going; ranting, and cataloguing, judging, fantasising, hard punching imaginary people... hehheThe images happens, so thought happens, there's no I.

 "Sure, there appears to be a reference point. But is the reference point any more a self than the body?"

I cannot think of other reference point, other than the one you mentioning.

"Who IS doing the tree? Is internal really separate from external? If eyes had never seen a tree externally would mind be able to create the image of a tree internally? If there is a separate entity inside who can decide to imagine things, can you ask him to imagine something made up entirely of components he's never seen before? Can he think of a colour that doesn't already exist?Are you doing the tree, or is everything but you - life, environment, circumstance - doing the tree?" 

It's a 'conceptualization' of the external... again I am not doing anything.Nope I cannot think/made of anything that I don't have at least one piece of information stored in my bodily senses.

"Is there a you?" 

There is no me, when I search inside I found nothing but memories of external events, that I called me, but there's only like... How can I say it... was and is like a show and just some- 'one' -'thing' was observing/experiencing, but parents and the parents of them (no blame intended) came with names, cutesy and cosy little attachments when you said something funny when you where little, or sang some song... but heck... It's like there just where a thing inside a body experiencing external events. It's little freaky, now that I think of it. The big word here is ATTACHMENT.Theres no me, the me I thought as me, it's just a collection of emotions & memories recalled inside the brain, sometimes in a messy way, sometimes in a ordered way... but quoteing myself... the content of a tought it's an illusion, so all that I experienced as reallity is, well; an illusion. If I remove or more so 'let go' of this memories and emotions, (the destroying process) what's is left, is truth? This is turning a little scary.

I must say I'm interested in dreams, and because for the curious note:

I dreamed about my parents died, both of them, the grief was very very painful during the dream, even now recalling the dream gets me so off balance, but I can handle it.

Also I dreamed being I was in a movie teather with them (Heh I know, the 'plato cave' Jed's version) It was SO comfortable, even in the theater whe had a cozy blanket and some delicious snacks, and yes more people.
And also we bought some tickets to a go to a very expensive concert.

I think It's the way subconsious has to get me aware like:
Hey dude realize what you are dropping... Put in balance the things you will loss... Meh... I think it's too late for that warning, and besides anything is loss.

But to be honest it's becoming a little hard.




Dreams are amazing, I absolutely love dreaming. Sometimes they seem deep, sometimes they're like a bunch of random thoughts. I can't say whether they can tell us anything. Whatever you need to be made aware of, the waking world can do just as good a job - or perhaps an even better and less cryptic one.

It stil seems you are holding on to some of Jed's ideas. What do you think you will lose? Being liberated from belief in self shows you that you never actually owned anything anyway. Your parents, your friends, your stuff, your own body, none of it yours. So you can never actually lose anything. When Jed says you lose everything it's a pointer, and I believe it is this that he is pointing to. Seeing nothing was ever yours means you lose everything. But it also means there is nothing to lose. The only thing that can really be lost is belief in self. But as you'll see, this never belonged to you either.

And your entire post before that was absolutely terrific.

"There is no me, when I search inside I found nothing but memories of external events, that I called me, but there's only like... How can I say it... was and is like a show and just some- 'one' -'thing' was observing/experiencing, but parents and the parents of them (no blame intended) came with names, cutesy and cosy little attachments when you said something funny when you where little, or sang some song... but heck... It's like there just where a thing inside a body experiencing external events. It's little freaky, now that I think of it. The big word here is ATTACHMENT.
Theres no me, the me I tought as me, it's just a collection of emotions & memories recalled inside the brain, sometimes in a messy way, sometimes in a ordered way... but quoteing myself... the content of a tought it's an illusion, so all that I experienced as reallity is, well; an illusion. If I remove or more so 'let go' of this memories and emotions, (the destroying process) what's is left, is truth? This is turning a little scary."

This is it, you're looking right at it. Keep looking at this, and explain it some more. Was there ever a you? What was the trigger in seeing this? Now that you see this, what has changed? 




I don't know if was ever a you, only the people I know they percieved me like that, like 'me'. Shure before I knew this I thought that was a me... but more like an external events shaped 'persona', not actually ME.

The trigger in seeing what? That I am not me?... well I analized LOGICALLY from the neutral perspective like one that is observing the content of a life... (BigBrother ring a bell?) and is like a movie, not a real person per se, and I applied that to me, first it was a little freaky because I was analysing the content of 'myself', but at the same time was liberating because I knew I was des-idenfiying with this 'actor' as 'me', haha it's ridiculous!

What had changed is that I am starting to feel like an impostor, playing a role I don't want to. And all the 'other people' too, though this do not saddens me, because I let go of trying to control whatever people want to do with their lifes. It's like playing a role I know I am not, at the same time I'm more withdraw with people in general call; it close familiars, sometimes friends and acquaintances... but this time I don't feel bad like before because it was as a past yearn for approval, now I feel Neutral and balanced, centered, wow this is good!, and this is beautiful from my perspective. 

Altough they sometimes doesn't seem to notice me, (when I don't want it) like I'm a gosht and I feel DIABOLICAL, muwhaha like a superpower or something, but, at the same time at will my prescence is more... intimidating? strong? I think... I sense in people a little bit more like courious and in the mean time, like... they want something from me, I don't know what it is but I can sense they view me different. Don't assimilate the fully scope of their percievings.

Thanks for the response Nemo.




Haha yeah, when this first started to hit me, I felt like a huge impostor too. Everything seemed so inauthentic. Sometimes it still does, but it's okay, there's nobody behind the roles to blame for this, it's just the nature of thought, especially thoughts centred around an "I". So seeing the truth, naturally brings reality closer. Or vice versa.
But you know what? You're not really an impostor playing a role. It's just a role playing itself out. They are all roles just playing themselves out, no one and nothing behind them. It's not really fake because there is no "real you" role that you could play. Do you see?

Alekx. I have one more question for you. How would you explain no-self to someone who had never heard about it before?




It's the process of de-constructing your most cherished and shurely unquestioned beliefs about yourself, it's analizing under the scope of logic and neutrallity, it's about illuminate all the shit you've piled through years and years in your attic about what you think you are, and start trowing to the trash the shit that is useless, and in the end you will find everything that has been stored there is completely useless. 

So, the question you may ask to you is... What do you define You as you? and then slice the motherfucking untrue shit, until it hurts in your soul. It's also a way of seeing and questioning all that you know that is true you in your daily life about yourself. No self also is dropping the role in which you may acting, because in the end there is none acting, it's just life happening. You are no different of a squirrel if you want it see it that way, you cannot control your breathing nor the squirrel can, because this furry little bastard lives in total harmony with the universe, and because this fucker do not resist of what it is, and if he don't find a nut... he don't label bad, to the convenience or thankfullness of a personage who is in favor or versus the event... so you can if you remove the illusion of control and more important the illusion of 'YOU' over yourself in the inside and in the outside world (the same shit), and let the universe decide what's best for you, because, if you check it right know you cannot control it. You can decide if it fits you; still acting the role or not, or change role, or no role whatshoever. Would you be my squirrel?

No self is the natural deprogrammed state like when you are born, it's like a brand new computer with the operating system, but a hard disk that only works as a RAM memory (I know so fucking GEEK!) but hey that's what analogies are form... because it is not imprisioned by the bonds of beliefs about yourself you got accumulating trough your daily life and reinforced by the 'external' world, AND it's about letting go the emotions that are tied to this fictional character named 'you', really it's about leting go of yourself it's about letting go of everything you know as fact, because life it will take care of itself if you have the right intent. No self it's the unification with life itself, it's the way allways has been.

It's like getting out of your way in some way, because the person's 'ego' is blocking the energy that it's contained in all this 'magnificient theather' of being alive, that is just one thing, not separated shit. I don't know when it ends the no-self it's infinite, it's self contained, being the tyniest micro part the thing containing quarks or the more macro galaxies you know of in books, the scary thing is that it never ends not inside or outside, it never was, it is what it is, it's called reallity and YOU are reallity.




Really nice work Alekx.


                           *************************




Hello Nemo, how is it going?


So I can think of things, left overs of false self that still run in my system, and I'm looking through purging it.

I can sumarize and organize the things that Alekx need to be de-attached (droped), to shine in more true:

• Family (I think the dream I had, was a good way of releasing the 'parents' attachment I had)
• Career (I don't identificate with my career at all, but can I make a live of it?)
• Beliefs (This is huge... I hope I can handle it)
• Addictions (Mostly none, thank God, I was addicted to masturbation and seeing porn, but since started the liberation, I COMPLETELY lose all interest in this)
• Demons (Same as beliefs, but I heard Jed talked about this goobers as distractors maya uses to prevent one journey to make it further, as obstructors)
• Afflictions (I can put this as, 'regrets' or 'urges' as you called it in the liberation unleashed forum) --> [Saw your post about death, I think this would help me]
• Belongings (I already started to drop things, and felt better)
• Society rules 'Matrix' (I can disect this with mildly accuracy using observations & analization)
• Friends (I never was a very sociable guy so, I have one or two but I can slash the fuckers off, because I don't have so much bush to cut)
• Teacher dependance (looking trough to slashing the Jed's head first, then when the time arrive Yours ;P... with love actually) 

I know there is no me, I realized that and it's goooood, but I feel this needs more work.

This things shouldn't matter, but this remanents keep appearing in my system, for example in the Affliction/Regret is a huge one, and teacher dependance is recently doing his obstructing work too, now this fuckers appear without emotions, and I can ignore them because they're de-energized, but as I said to you, the images/sounds keep annoying the shit out of me, it's very shitty actually.

I don't know how to keep the journal better, any suggestions?

I'm grateful you accepted continuing this via gmail.

These things... family, career, friends, etc... these are all things that exist and are part of experience. The things themselves don't need to be dropped. Only look at attachment.Don't even try to change attachment, just keen observation with honesty. And they can be looked at as a whole and/or individually. You can go through systematically and look at each one if you like. But each one is going to come up on it's own anyway, in due course, and play itself out. You've already severed attachment from everything in one smooth blow - recognising truth in what you are - and as long as you stay true to truth and honesty these things will run their course and dissipate. A part of being human is lying to yourself. Every person lies to their self, and consequentially everyone else too. You have seen the truth of self though which will make it almost impossible for you to do this now. This is a huge part of freedom. No need to further perpetuate an illusion, a self image that you know isn't real. 

When looking at each or any of these attachments, look at the source of the attachment. Why is there a belief that this is who I am? - Ask this every time. Followed by - is it true? Your third attachment on the list is beliefs, but really this is the only thing on your list. It all comes down to beliefs. You will make fast work of this. It isn't nearly as huge a task as it seems. And now that you have jumped, it is all happening and unfolding on it's own anyway, as it always has. 

There are 2 more things on your list I'd like to mention at this point. First, demons. If ever there is a course of thoughts, and in particular, actions, that you are carrying out that doesn't feel entirely authentic, stop and look at whether these things are happening in accordance to someone else's voice in your head, or influence - your parents, friends, girlfriend, Jed, myself, even a "you" impersonator, etc - or whether they are just unfolding and occurring unadulterated and naturally. If it happens to be the former, don't fret, just be aware. This is all that is needed to rid demons of their power.

Oh yes, the second thing I wanted to mention in your list is -

"Teacher dependance (looking trough to slashing the Jed's head first, then when the time arrive Yours ;P... with love actually)"

That is absolutely fantastic man, well said. This really made me smile.

So you say that I don't have to worry anymore?, Only be aware?... I'm very aware of this things now as you say, internal and external, one example of external (people) even the subtlier behavior from them 'I got as ego screaming for attention/validation' like the false self in others wanting confirmation of his existance. Ugh... I'm a little repelled by that because, I see it like a waste of energy, if you ask me, but hey let their souls follow their own journey/path.

I'm starting to develop a taste for local parks, walk alone, and then and sit on the benches for long periods of time like 3/4 hr, just observing.
Before I felt anxious with a less than a minute sitting withouth doing nothing, I felt bored, I felt that I needed to do something, quick!... Now it's gone, wtf?

Like the body moves by his own, not because I listened other realized dudes doing it, this body go to places,'I' just follow. I'm starting to find this places peaceful, and my mind it's more quieter than ever.

Also I got dizzy and confused with all the noise, in partys, people trying to small talk me... like they percieve me like a sad person, but I don't feel this in anyway.
Moreso I feel radiant. How strange is this shit? Am I ok? Sometimes I think I'm going nuts, like, really! and it's fun!

PS:
Oh and strangely the cats (animals) I've met down the road, got freeze when they see me, s-t-r-a-i-g-h-t in the eyes, then shake their tails like they saw a ghost, and run LOL what happens with this little monsters...?
They never paid me attention before...  Now what, do they want to start a fight or something?




Worry? No. Why should you worry? You're not in control. Just honest observation is all you need. And it won't necessarily be totally easy either, but you'll find the less resistance you offer, the easier it will be. When ego games are playing themselves out, just inject with honesty. Then there is no way they can continue to self perpetuate. Indulging ego games - it'd be like trying to re-convince yourself the easter bunny exists. Silly lies, and complete nonsensical bullshit. Haha. Belief in self is their fuel source, and now that it's been removed, you just gotta wait til they run out of fuel and die out.

Watching other people will be completely surreal for probably the next couple of weeks, and yes, you might feel like you are losing your mind. It's common. You will reach an equilibrium though and start feeling human again. All of this happened to me too, I wrote in my blog about it if you'd like to read it: http://nemonavigator.blogspot.com/2011/08/epic-tale-of-enlightenment.html

The sitting and observing that is happening for you now, it's called zazen. Many people meditate in order to reach a goal of achieving a future enlightenment. But zazen is just sitting. I've been a big fan of zen teachings for a long time, but I've always thought zen a little whimsical. These days I understand it a lot more though, ironically.

That's interesting about the cats, hahahaha. Maybe they're paying you more attention because you're paying them attention? You are probably finding yourself more sensitive and aware of detail, and things you previously took for granted.

Did you say you are keeping a journal? Putting things into words is a good way to work things out, look at it from different angels, explore it. Another great way to so this, to really deepen understanding and put your awakening to the test, is to help guide others to realisation. It blows me away how much I learn from everyone I work with. It's certainly mutually beneficial. Interactive spiritual autolysis. If it's something you feel ready to do at some point, you could start off slowly, jump into some of the conversations in the "home" section in the arena, and work yourself up to one-on-one. It's can be such a pleasure too. You, for example, have done some phenomenal work in the past week or so. It's amazing isn't it?

I think I'm still caught up in this worries, but just a little bit... I think are remanents of the past 'life' heh, so I'm observing this fuckers more.

Yeah it's amazing Nemo, thank you for your guidance.
Like yesterday I was reading some liberations, and I was crying like a TOTAL puss for no logical reason. I felt so grateful so I didn't resist this, don't know why it felt so good, like a huge release, I think it was (IS) part of the liberation process.

I'm writing everything that comes to my mind... That's a journal? or the things I remember during the day.

One-on-one arena, hmmm... are you suggesting me to participate on some liberations, like a liberator (haaa this reads so interesting) o_O?
=D I'll let you know when I feel ready, it's that ok?

Let me explain:

Right now I'm coping with this new... how can I name it... perspective of life?... so things may get a little blurry and confusing for me, If I plan to liberate someone that is dreaming, and submerge him(her) more in the dream state, now, that's not healthy.

But sure, I'm more than interested in participate in this, just for DOING SOMETHING FOR OTHERS. Like you and the all people in LU did, and does for me.

And yes, it's incredibly amazing.




That's beautiful to hear about you being so moved reading liberations. And having no resistance to the tears is not always something that comes easy, so that's great my friend.

I guided someone through the process recently which had the unexpected and welcome effect of bringing me to tears too :)
The convo is on my blog, "strangechord".

That is totally okay and very understandable about how you feel and where you're at regarding the guiding of others. It took some time before it felt right for me, too. I feel so honoured to be doing it now though, and as you say, doing something for others - giving something back.

If or when you do feel inspired to jump in, the "Home" section of the LU forum is a great place to start because they are group discussions and the pressure of one-on-one isn't there. If someone is stuck somewhere that relates to your own experience and you feel you have some light to shed on the subject, you can add your contribution amongst several. A

lso I mentioned facebook, I think you said it wasn't really your thing, but if you did feel like making a "fake" (lol) account, purely for this liberation stuff, we are running a few groups there that you might actually get a lot out of and would be quite welcome in. The discussions are insightful and helpful with broader topics - and best of all, they're really fun.

So what else is happening Alekx? How are you going with it all?




No problemo Nemo, and thanks.

I know, I know... the "fake" facebook bit, is REDUNDANT as hell! LOL!

I think I'm more sincere than before, this has got me into minor troubles when drunk. But this time, there's no ego sincerity based personality that backs up a sincere Alekx... I think it I liberated the 'asshole one' the REAL one... if you know what I mean, people usually get shocked with my comments, but not offended, it's an usual bias, I'M NOT PROUD OF THIS.

I tend to keep a handwriting journal, where I write every piece of shit that is in the mind and bugs me, and the emotion that is bounded with this, and then I scrutinize every bit of bullshit, until dissapears for my system.

And the SYNCHRONICITY shit is becoming A RULE, not an exception, actually this was pre-liberation awareness, but seriously I'm becoming more attuned with the OBVIOUS messages the universe send to me, then I follow like water. If the people would see me doing this crazy thingy, they surely call the ambulance for me and send me directly to the physchiatric.

And in all this past week, I was very very confused about this liberation stuff, I wish you where here to un-stuck me, but gladly I could do it for myself with the tools you teached me... I keep looking and it was thoughts and emotions, only... Have you seen the movie "Revolver"... when Jason Statham was in his hed saying this: "I can hear you", "You are not me", "I can hear you" :D LOL
I got wrapped up in/by this fuckers, they conviced my for two days in a row, they are EXAGRATEDLY SKILLFULL. Also expectatives of liberation fucked me in the brain too, but not today.

I hope you are doing well Nemo.

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